Thursday, August 12, 2010

How are you feeling about your upcoming surgery?

Am I nervous? No. Not really. I know what to expect. The only thing to be nervous about is that my bones fuse the way they are supposed to this time. What I feel is much more a feeling of dread. I dread waking up after surgery. I dread the time in the hospital and all that comes with a major operation. Mostly, I dread month after month, alone in my bed, wondering if I'm going to feel that horrible forever...seeing no signs of improvement, wondering if I'll ever get any better. I dread that darkness returning, that hopelessness that accompanies unending pain and sickness, when things are supposed to be finally turning around. I dread the dark days.

"At least you know, one week from now, it will all be over with." No. One week from now, it begins again.