Sunday, January 18, 2009

So tired...

Break was wonderful. Our trip to Minnesota to visit friends was great. Returning to work was nearly impossible. This week was really hard. I've been so tired and in so much pain. I'm having a lot of trouble driving and moving around. I've also had rough time emotionally coping with the responsibility. It can be really hard sometimes. I may have to reconsider my schedule some more, so that I won't have to do as much driving. I'm not sure how to do that, but I'll just take it as it comes.

I'm so tired all the time now. If I don't appear tired, I'm either faking it or on pain meds...probably both. I know I haven't written much, but everything's been really tiring lately.

Medically, I have an appointment with Dr. Grubb's nurse in Ohio on February 2nd. Also, I had a DEXA scan to check on my bone density, but even with the vitamin D and calcium supplements, I don't expect it to be better yet.

Actually, none of my bone or joint or muscle pain has improved at all. It's clearly gotten worse. I would love to find an Ehlers-Danlos doctor to help with that.

In the long term plan, I don't know when I'll be eligible for re-fusion surgery. That's just a waiting process, nothing I can plan for yet.

In addition, I had an emotional breakdown this week, and pretty much lost it. I feel like it could happen again at any time. This is just not manageable right now.

Of course, my mom, dad, Rob, and Gus have all been so supportive and helpful this week. I'm glad I don't have to do this alone. Because right now, every time I'm alone, I break into tears again...not just nice little tears like in the movies...but horrible, ugly, loud, sobbing tears.

Okay, I'm done for now, and in tons of pain, as always.