Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Loneliness as time crawls by

Nothing new here. Just spending more days isolated in my room, confined to bed except for bathroom trips (thank goodness for that).

I don't so much mind my time being pointless (for now). I do mind that time moves so slowly. That I am so often alone. And that I can't have more "comfortable" time.

So much of the time, I'm having twitches throughout my body, especially in my legs. The muscles are fatigued and achy because they twitch all the time.

I'm also having trouble chewing, due to jaw pain.

It hurts to move even in tiny ways so often. Like right now, I get a wave of pain throughout my body every time I move. It's so frustrating.

Then, of course, there's the ice pick in the head type headache that lasts 2-5 days at a time.

Then, there's the baseline headache of pressure everywhere and the "sunken halo" headache.

I've been having palpitations more recently, as well. It feels like my heart misses a beat or two, then tries frantically to make up for lost time. I feel my heart pounding through my chest, neck, and shoulders when this happens.

The knee pain is very sharp with weight bearing, or even sitting or laying in the wrong position.

The body ache is quite severe tonight, as well.

Oh well. That's all that is happening here. I wish this time could go faster. I wish I could skip ahead to better days. I know there will be better days. It's just getting there that is so hard.