Monday, July 21, 2008


Well, I made it through the day pretty well. So I guess I don't need the strongest pain meds anymore, at least not on a daily basis.

My schedule is getting a little full...mostly just PT and planning for the moves, but I hope I'm not overbooking myself. The upcoming moves will be challenging for my body and mind. (My mom is moving out of the house and into a condo. My dad's staying in the house. Gus is moving a few towns away. I'm moving everywhere!) Such a big change is bound to be stressful. Plus, I'd really like to be able to move in with Gus pretty fully, but that is a big responsibility, since he won't be around real often to help take care of me. I'll have to take care of myself and start learning to take care of my living space at the same time. I'm trying to start planning my weekly meals and my shopping, so I can make dinner a few nights a week. I don't know how hard that will be if I'm teaching at the same time. I only have so much energy in a day. I just hope it's enough. I also need to figure out where in that tiny apartment we are going to store all of our stuff. We may need to buy an extra dresser just for the storage space, and keep it in the living room! I don't want to have just boxes everywhere. Something more permanent-feeling would be nice.

Well, I suppose regular anxieties affect us all. Everyone has to get adjusted to adult life at some point. I just hope my body doesn't let me down. I don't know if this surgery will have helped enough to make everything I have planned possible. If I'm no better than I was last year, I'm afraid it won't be enough. If I'm even a little better, maybe I'll be able to pull it off.

The other thing that's been worrying me is that several people have told me that even revising the fusion seems to fail pretty often. Dr. M sure made it seem like he knew just how to help me. I like the idea that there is something out there that can make me feel significantly better (other than marijuana...just kidding...I would never even try it!). I just want to feel better so desperately, and Dr. Milhorat has offered me that hope. I think my chances are better, since my first fusion has remained solid (my bone density isn't that low), and the traction helped so much.

I better go take my sleep meds, or I'll never get to sleep at this rate.