Tuesday, May 19, 2009

still painfully tired

So, I added a B Complex vitamin to my list of pills, but it definitely doesn't affect my energy level. I was in a state of sleep paralysis most of the day. I describe it this way, because I am technically aware of my surroundings and my brain is awake, but my body is so tired that I am essentially asleep. I certainly appear asleep. I only wish I could be asleep. But I suppose the Provigil keeps me from actually sleeping. I'm definitely raising the Provigil dose tomorrow. If I take more with my breakfast pills, maybe I will be able to actually function normally during the day. I went to work today, during the small window of time when I had the most Provigil in my system. Without it, I would be completely bedridden again. I've tried skipping Provigil to get some actual sleep, and I truly do remain bedridden for the entire day.

So very tired. Time to sleep again. Haha. Like it does any good. I'll wake up just as tired as I am right now.

I still have all my other symptoms. My head is killing me. But the lethargy is the most limiting symptom right now.

I'm not a fun person to be around right now. It's kinda like being with a person who is sleeping. When a person is sleeping, he/she is not very happy to be bothered in any way. Any touch or sound just annoys the sleeping person. That's how my body is all day long, since I am essentially sleeping. It actually hurts to move, hurts to be touched, and hurts to be talked to. So clearly, I am not the best version of myself right now. Everything seems to bother me. I'm sorry to those that have to interact with me. I'm trying my best.

Still have no idea when I'll be eligible for surgery. I know it's not going to be a quick fix, but I'm ready to get started. This is so frustrating. The libelous journalism about my doctors continues. I'm just ignoring it now. I assume I will still have surgery with The Chiari Institute, when the time comes. Boy, this patience thing really is a challenge.